I foolishly assumed I would be good at marriage… I thought – through no fault or effort of my own – I would naturally be a good wife. I was so wrong.  I have been so lost.  I have been broken.  I have been arrogant.  I have failed so often I sometimes wonder why I try… I have believed lies… I have believed that I was helpless… I have believed that I did not have a choice in how I acted… no choice in how I gave/received love…. I have been so lost…  I have been lazy and uncaring.  I have been self absorbed.  I have been numb.  I have been just about the worst wife I could be.  I have made my husband feel unseen, unheard, unloved… He has felt abandoned by me… He has felt unlovable and unlovely.  I am so lost…