captivatingbitter

I don’t know what it is about feeling scared…but I do enjoy watching those crazy ghost hunter shows.  I was watching one tonight.  I’m alone in the house and watching this spooky show, having a drink and just relaxing and letting the stress of my day just go away…then the light outside goes crazy.  It’s one of those motion-sensor lights that lights up the entire back yard and I had to resist the urge to run and set the alarm.  Immediately all those horror movies I love so much came back to me.  I am thinking of all the bad guys I’ve ever watched while cringing and hoping that at least someone makes it out of the movie alive.  I know rationally that it’s just the wind blowing the trees…or some random neighborhood cat or something completely innocuous – but my imagination runs wild and I feel that thrill of fear.  After a life-time of living in fear – true fear –  it’s nice to be in a place in my life that fear is re-claimed.  I’m not entirely sure that would make sense to anyone but me…but I reclaim my fear.  I reclaim it for myself.  I know fear is a healthy emotion when it occurs naturally and that it is intended to warn us, to assist us, to serve us.  In my life, fear used to rule me.  No more. Now I am living from ny heart and I am so glad that I am at a place where I can enjoy fear as a healthy part of my life.