Hi, my name is Becka and I am codependent.  I got a chip at my first CoDA meeting and I am taking things one day at a time.  I am step by step journeying back into my life ~ breaking free of this disease and learning to be healthy and whole.   I know I have a long uphill battle ahead.  I know this won’t be easy.  This codependency has seeped its way into nearly every aspect of my life and the depths of my mental illness has permeated me to my very core.  I go days, sometimes, feeling nothing at all.

Numb…such a hateful four-letter word.  I used to think it equated to safety but now I see it for what it is.  The destroyer of all my humanity.  My empathy, compassion, warmth, silliness, passion, anger… all faded to apathy and numbness until my world was all grey and I forgot what color looked like… what color felt like.  I forgot what love felt like, what warmth felt like… I even forgot the fierce red heat of anger, I forgot the beautiful blues of sadness and all the vibrant hues of desire.

I found the stair-case…now I am climbing out… Becka-Dragon Girl… hear me roar…