The music of my life
has changed
from jangling chords
to sweet melody…
the cacophony
has given way
to softer strains…
now a lullaby
of peace…
undercurrants of joy
instead of
discordant
disharmonized notes
of fear.
This is a melody
I can twirl to.
No longer cowering…
I fling out my arms
and dance!
There is a
delicious glow
in the clouds tonight.
Like just ripening
mangos…
their bruised flesh
threatening rain,
holding the
sweet promise
of sensual,
thrilling pleasure…
fat drops
on hot skin
washing the day away
It is amazing to me
how different
life can be,
how much can change
in two short years.
The summer heat
used to feel oppressive…
Now I feel kissed
by the sun.
Nights of fear
and suffocating tension
have given way
to peace..
and ecstatic joy.
“Home” felt like
a battlefield –
Now I am at home
in myself
and I find it a place
of grace…of peace.
Beauty that existed
only in moments
now whisper to me
constantly
singing me to sleep.
Each night I am
kissed by the wind
instead of
weathering the storm.
Alone…never lonely.
I have found
family
at last.
There is a silence
in the space between
that used to
terrify me.
Now it sings me
to sleep…
There were
hidden storms there…
violent… dangerous…
Now there is the
gentle kiss of wind
and starlight…
I have found
my dance partner…
now I twirl…
arms flung out –
embracing the dark –
loved by the
meteors…
making wishes.
Sometimes my heart
becomes exhausted
by the tremendous
weight of this
– grief –
And every new
pebble of pain
hits the bottom
like a boulder
sending tidal waves
instead of ripples.
Thrown by the
destruction, I ache…
but I recover…
Now, sitting in the
night air…
peace finds me
once again…
hesitant,
tentative
but alive.
How strange
and wonderful
to find
-all these years later-
that there is love
that doesn’t hurt
doesn’t break you
doesn’t leave scars
on your soul.
Friendship was extended
with a knife
I could not see…
A false acceptance
hidden behind
an offer of family.
Such a beautiful trap.
One I fell into
so easily
having longed
so desperately
to belong.
I went for a walk in the woods with my best friend… I loved all the beautiful colors and textures… I adored the almost blue gray of these.. the brown rings almost seemed like brass in the sunlight.
The pinks and greens in this one were so beautiful they looked painted on… especially when compared to the deep, glorious browns of the bark and the pine needles carpeting the forest floor.
The sunlight through the tops of this grass was beautiful, sparkled like starlight…
This perspective really speaks to me… Sometimes I just cannot see the sky because all my focus is on the thorns…
This Question Mark butterfly made my day! As soon as I saw them, my heart lit up… they were beautiful and so whimsical and felt like a kiss from heaven.
Going under this overpass was actually creepy, but I did adore this perspective of the columns…
And finally… I loved seeing these little footprints in the mud… Loved seeing them disappear into the woods and wished I could follow them… There was a kind of whisper to them… an invitation… and I love that feeling.
You reach out to me
with claws…
those hooked talons
that once looked like home.
The fingers of my soul
still trace over and over
the road-map of scars
your “love” left
on my heart
…still flinching
at the ones
yet unhealed…
straining at the stitches
of grace and
tentative hope…
trying not to
reopen the wounds.
Deep in my soul hums
the song of night creatures…
How I had missed
their singing…
After so many years
of pain
of fear
I began to believe
this horrible
breath-holding silence
was all I would have…
their voices silenced
by a predator.
I am not sure when
they began to sing again…
tentative notes of hope
springing forth…
now a near-constant
song of joy…
unafraid and alive
at last.
captivatingbitter 