I hate anxiety…. I know, I know… everyone hates anxiety… That is nothing new… but I must say – that hard to breathe, bees in your chest feeling is nearly the worst thing I have ever felt.  I feel sometimes like I am drowning in all of the pain from my past, the pain from my present and the uncertainty of my future.  I want to find some balance between work and rest… between where I am and where I want to be… between striving and arriving…  I don’t want to be stuck here where I am… I don’t want to be stuck at just ok… at just surviving… I want to move on to be fully alive…to be fully passionate and aware… fully at rest and feeling safe in my own skin… I want to speak without over-thinking everything… I want to say (and type) whatever is on my mind and heart without censure, without worrying about every thought – every syllable.  I don’t want to worry about my words and facial expressions.  I want to be able to express how I feel without even trying.  I want it to be natural…I don’t want to be locked away in my head surrounded by coping mechanisms, walls and defense mechanisms… I want to live out in the sun – feeling the warmth kiss my skin and the breeze ruffle my hair.