The music of my life
has changed
from jangling chords
to sweet melody…
the cacophony
has given way
to softer strains…
now a lullaby
of peace…
undercurrants of joy
instead of
discordant
disharmonized notes
of fear.
This is a melody
I can twirl to.
No longer cowering…
I fling out my arms
and dance!
There is a
delicious glow
in the clouds tonight.
Like just ripening
mangos…
their bruised flesh
threatening rain,
holding the
sweet promise
of sensual,
thrilling pleasure…
fat drops
on hot skin
washing the day away
It is amazing to me
how different
life can be,
how much can change
in two short years.
The summer heat
used to feel oppressive…
Now I feel kissed
by the sun.
Nights of fear
and suffocating tension
have given way
to peace..
and ecstatic joy.
“Home” felt like
a battlefield –
Now I am at home
in myself
and I find it a place
of grace…of peace.
Beauty that existed
only in moments
now whisper to me
constantly
singing me to sleep.
Each night I am
kissed by the wind
instead of
weathering the storm.
Alone…never lonely.
I have found
family
at last.
Sometimes my heart
becomes exhausted
by the tremendous
weight of this
– grief –
And every new
pebble of pain
hits the bottom
like a boulder
sending tidal waves
instead of ripples.
Thrown by the
destruction, I ache…
but I recover…
Now, sitting in the
night air…
peace finds me
once again…
hesitant,
tentative
but alive.
There is a white tree
in the woods
near my home.
Its skeletal bark
a stark contrast
amongst the
near blackness
surrounding it.
Its light leaves
screaming out
against the silence
of dark pine needles
all around.
It rises stubbornly
reaching bone-white
fingers toward the
sky…palms upward
full of an offering
of peridot…
kissed each night
by moon and stars.
Deep in my soul hums
the song of night creatures…
How I had missed
their singing…
After so many years
of pain
of fear
I began to believe
this horrible
breath-holding silence
was all I would have…
their voices silenced
by a predator.
I am not sure when
they began to sing again…
tentative notes of hope
springing forth…
now a near-constant
song of joy…
unafraid and alive
at last.
The birds are out today
singing to the sun
and darting on the wind.
I can see the leaves dance,
though I cannot hear the
song of the wind…
It must be a gentle song –
a love song – whispered
instead of sung…
The softest of kisses
A lover’s carress.
I don’t know what the day
will bring… but for now..
Peace.
The light of January
caresses my skin
warming me –
despite the bite
of the wind…
There is a hope in my heart
I hardly know how to navigate.
A loss I feel
but do not kneel to…
I will not be cowed
by grief –
will not bow to it…
I will, instead,
hold fast to the hope
brought by January sunlight…
a newness in the day
unshackled by old regrets…
untainted by this
old grief.
Alive.
Alone, my thoughts
drift to you…
awakened by love…
mind awash in hope.
Scared , but not defeated…
cold fingers of doubt cannot
overturn this joy…
this longing to be free…
thoughts of you careen… a
Juxtaposition of peace
and fear. Hope and longing.
never have I been so
alive and unafraid…
songs from the wind
invading my mind… give me
elusive joy…. surcease..
worry melting like snow..
intimacy beckons, and I answer the
call…hesitant…then full of a
zeal I did not know I could possess..
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile…
A smile just for her –
From her –
Not to be shared
Or given away
To anyone else.
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile…
One that accompanies
The music in her
Heart…that only
She knows the
Words to.
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile
….privately…
Feeling the invisible
Fingers of wind
Trace her lips,
Her shoulders,
Her spine…
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile…
With a deep joy
Often tinged in a sadness
That is as welcome as
An old friend.
In the empty days,
In the quiet hours,
In the loneliness
That echos in the
Corridors of her mind
….she smiles….
captivatingbitter 