I have found such unexpected joy lately. I am not ready to get into it yet…but it has been a very long time since I felt beautiful, since I felt joyous, since I felt like I had something to offer. I have had someone walk back into my life recently that reminded me who I was… and who I can and will be again.. Such an unexpected joy. I feel powerful and passionate and alive and beautiful and full of potential. I am awash in my hobbies and pleasures and passions and interests… I feel like I am coming back to life. This person has showered me in compliments, in passion, in adoration, in teasing and humor and has brought me back to myself… the me I was years ago… I left myself behind so long ago that I was lost in my pain and anger and confusion and I forgot who I was. I forgot who I was created to be. I am starting to remember. I am coming alive again… adrift and awash in Joy… finding a love I thought I had lost… finding the me I thought I had lost… Thank you my dear, wonderful, unexpected love… thank you for bringing me back to life.
Tag Archive: passion
I have been fighting my tendency to hide from my emotions… I have been fighting to stay in my feelings and stop hiding from them. I have hidden from my heart for so long… I have felt like a chameleon. I have tried to give everyone around me what I thought they wanted… in doing this I have failed to just be myself. I have learned and am still learning that what the people who love me really want from me is for me to just be myself. How can anyone love me if I never give them a chance to know me? What do I do if I never figure out who I am? I am so afraid of this… I feel like I have spent my whole life running away from who I am…I have spent my whole life hiding… I have spent my whole life afraid. I feel like I lost this fight today…. Today I hid in TV… I hid in food.. I hid in entertainment… I buried my feelings and totally failed to sit in my skin. I was all alone and there was no one to please but myself…and I still hid and ran away from my pain, my fear… I sat in numbness… I desperately hope (and plan) to win more battles in the future… I know this one failure is not me losing the war. I can do this. I passionately love… I passionately fear… I am passionately angry and I want to fight injustice. I did not do anything to deserve the abuse and pain I endured – but I do have control and responsibility in how I react to that abuse and pain now. No more running away! I will FIGHT! I am beautiful, I am fierce, I am worthy, I am loved.
captivatingbitter 