I have been fighting my tendency to hide from my emotions…  I have been fighting to stay in my feelings and stop hiding from them.  I have hidden from my heart for so long…  I have felt like a chameleon.  I have tried to give everyone around me what I thought they wanted… in doing this I have failed to just be myself.  I have learned and am still learning that what the people who love me really want from me is for me to just be myself.   How can anyone love me if I never give them a chance to know me?  What do I do if I never figure out who I am?  I am so afraid of this… I feel like I have spent my whole life running away from who I am…I have spent my whole life hiding… I have spent my whole life afraid.  I feel like I lost this fight today….   Today I hid in TV… I hid in food.. I hid in entertainment…  I buried my feelings and totally failed to sit in my skin.  I was all alone and there was no one to please but myself…and I still hid and ran away from my pain, my fear… I sat in numbness… I desperately hope (and plan) to win more battles in the future… I know this one failure is not me losing the war.  I can do this.  I passionately love… I passionately fear… I am passionately angry and I want to fight injustice.  I did not do anything to deserve the abuse and pain I endured – but I do have control and responsibility in how I react to that abuse and pain now.  No more running away!  I will FIGHT!  I am beautiful, I am fierce, I am worthy, I am loved.