I know no one really like anxiety, but I hate the way I feel right now! My heart is pounding, I am having trouble breathing I cannot think straight… I hate this!!! I want to scream right now. I hate this feeling of fear – terror really. I hate feeling trapped inside my own skin. I hate the swarm of bees buzzing in my chest, the tightness in my lungs, the crawling in my skin the jangling nerves. I hate that I feel so helpless to this feeling. I hate this! I feel crazy and I feel desperate and I would almost do anything to make it go away….
Archive for October, 2014
Ever have one of those days when you have spent WAY too much time alone? It’s been like that for me today… I’ve been talking to my cats in between working on a project on my computer for the last 6 hours or so… now that my project is done I’m watching a show on TV and find myself responding to questions and fussing at the screen when the characters do something stupid. It’s been a quiet day… I imagine I would be pretty entertaining if anyone was watching me today…
I went back to my home-town not too long ago. There is a church there called Hopewell Baptist Church that is very old and no longer active – but the families of the original congregation still get together once a year and celebrate home-coming. Since I am a bit estranged from my family I chose to go at a time when I knew it would be abandoned. There is a cemetery there where some of my family is buried. I love to walk among the graves and touch the tombstones and commune with the people I miss so much.

The person I miss the most is my grandmother. Ever since she died I have felt like a part of my heart is missing. She was the one person who always saw me. She never made me feel invisible or inconvenient. She always made me feel special and seen and heard. She did not know all of the horrible things I was going through and scarcely a day goes by that I don’t wish I could have told her. I wish I could sit down with her now with a cup of tea and tell her all about it. I love her and I miss her so very much.
I am fascinated by how people choose to remember their loved ones… I saw these while walking on a boardwalk at Falling Creek Falls…
Seeing these made me wonder how I could honor and remember… and I decided to let my photographs speak for themselves… I hope you enjoy them – there is nothing that I could say about them without sounding trite… these photos are my memorial… Friends of Hopewell, I pray you feel my deep love and kinship in these photos… my thoughts are with you…













