The music of my life
has changed
from jangling chords
to sweet melody…
the cacophony
has given way
to softer strains…
now a lullaby
of peace…
undercurrants of joy
instead of
discordant
disharmonized notes
of fear.
This is a melody
I can twirl to.
No longer cowering…
I fling out my arms
and dance!
It is amazing to me
how different
life can be,
how much can change
in two short years.
The summer heat
used to feel oppressive…
Now I feel kissed
by the sun.
Nights of fear
and suffocating tension
have given way
to peace..
and ecstatic joy.
“Home” felt like
a battlefield –
Now I am at home
in myself
and I find it a place
of grace…of peace.
Beauty that existed
only in moments
now whisper to me
constantly
singing me to sleep.
Each night I am
kissed by the wind
instead of
weathering the storm.
Alone…never lonely.
I have found
family
at last.
Sometimes my heart
becomes exhausted
by the tremendous
weight of this
– grief –
And every new
pebble of pain
hits the bottom
like a boulder
sending tidal waves
instead of ripples.
Thrown by the
destruction, I ache…
but I recover…
Now, sitting in the
night air…
peace finds me
once again…
hesitant,
tentative
but alive.
How strange
and wonderful
to find
-all these years later-
that there is love
that doesn’t hurt
doesn’t break you
doesn’t leave scars
on your soul.
I went for a walk in the woods with my best friend… I loved all the beautiful colors and textures… I adored the almost blue gray of these.. the brown rings almost seemed like brass in the sunlight.
The pinks and greens in this one were so beautiful they looked painted on… especially when compared to the deep, glorious browns of the bark and the pine needles carpeting the forest floor.
The sunlight through the tops of this grass was beautiful, sparkled like starlight…
This perspective really speaks to me… Sometimes I just cannot see the sky because all my focus is on the thorns…
This Question Mark butterfly made my day! As soon as I saw them, my heart lit up… they were beautiful and so whimsical and felt like a kiss from heaven.
Going under this overpass was actually creepy, but I did adore this perspective of the columns…
And finally… I loved seeing these little footprints in the mud… Loved seeing them disappear into the woods and wished I could follow them… There was a kind of whisper to them… an invitation… and I love that feeling.
Deep in my soul hums
the song of night creatures…
How I had missed
their singing…
After so many years
of pain
of fear
I began to believe
this horrible
breath-holding silence
was all I would have…
their voices silenced
by a predator.
I am not sure when
they began to sing again…
tentative notes of hope
springing forth…
now a near-constant
song of joy…
unafraid and alive
at last.
There is a wistfulness
on the air
and the trees are dancing
to a symphony
…unheard…
yet I feel the notes
thrum through my soul
and settle on my skin
like a lover’s touch
inviting me to dance…
to take his hand
and trust…
so now I dance…
one with clouds
with treetops
with birdsong
and falling stars.
I dance to the symphony
I now call
freedom.
The dying light
all golden
turning trees
into shadows
wraps me in
a solmnenty
and I feel the weight
of the day
dropping down.
I feel the ripples
through my heart
pebbles in a pond
of memory
and I do not escape
unscathed.
December has a
Sense of urgency…
Days flowing too fast
And I can’t find my footing…
Stumbling over these rocks
Of grief,
And falling down hard –
Body battered
Soul crying out for help
To an empty room
The wall’s silence
Screaming back at me…
Needles of that empty echo
Piercing my heart….
What is one more wound?
For one so at home in the dark,
I often awake to find myself tormented…
plagued, harried
Utterly broken and
so. very. afraid.
Why is it so easy to breathe
At night, sitting alone in the dark
And in the early morning hours
Every breath is a
Ragged gasp…
Fighting for air…?
Why, when I should feel uneasy
Sitting in the night air
Listening to the wind
And the sounds from the city
Do I feel fearless?
Peaceful?
Yet in the breaking daylight
Peace gives way to
Turmoil…and
So much pain…
Every dark thought
Is a blade across my heart
Every shortcoming
A curse on my soul
And every tear shed
Feels like a shameful thing
Crying alone over coffee
Hating myself with a loathing
Beyond anything i have ever felt
For anyone else.
captivatingbitter 