Cranky Cottonmouth

I’m having one of those days… one of those days where my heart won’t stop pounding and I can scarcely breathe.  My ears are ringing and I hate this feeling.  Every little thing is getting under my skin. I feel defensive and easily offended… I feel like a bundle of raw nerve endings.  Does this ever go away?  Will there ever be a time when I experience my very last panic attack?  Will I ever live day after day with no heart-pounding, chest-tightening, jumping at every sound, sweaty palms, can’t breathe intrusions into my psyche??  I don’t even know how to imagine this kind of life.  How do I imagine being at home in my own skin?  What would it feel like to be at rest in myself?  What must it be like to simply sit down and read a good book?  To get lost in music?  To enjoy a cup of tea or a hot shower without feeling pressure to get up and pace, clean, fidget??  How do I get to the point where I can rest without feeling guilty?  How do I kick this voice out of my head that tells me continually that I am not good enough, that I am lazy, that I am not doing enough and what I am doing I am not doing right?  Perfection does not equal happiness…  Part of me believes once I understand this I may find peace.