For one so at home in the dark,

I often awake to find myself tormented…

plagued, harried

Utterly broken and 

so. very. afraid.

Why is it so easy to breathe

At night, sitting alone in the dark

And in the early morning hours

Every breath is a 

Ragged gasp…

Fighting for air…?

Why, when I should feel uneasy

Sitting in the night air

Listening to the wind 

And the sounds from the city

Do I feel fearless?

Peaceful?

Yet in the breaking daylight

Peace gives way to 

Turmoil…and 

So much pain…

Every dark thought

Is a blade across my heart

Every shortcoming

A curse on my soul

And every tear shed

Feels like a shameful thing

Crying alone over coffee

Hating myself with a loathing

Beyond anything i have ever felt

For anyone else.