I felt the temptation to cut again yesterday stronger than I have in years. It’s so frustrating… I thought I was past this… Some days the pain is just too much and I want some relief. The thought of a sharp blade was so comforting and alluring…like a siren’s song. I don’t want to go down this path again. I decide my future, and my future is not drowned in numbness-walking through life like a zombie. I want to feel and be alive and real. I want a life of honestly dealing with my emotions not running from them to booze or blade or drugs or sex or danger. I want to breathe in every second of this precious life – even the parts that are painful or frustrating. I want to be alive. Please, God, help me…
captivatingbitter 
thinking of you, and man do I understand the temptation to revert back to unhealthy habits when things get tough. Praying you have the strength you need to make it through another day!!
Thank you. I appreciate your prayers and thoughts. It’s been a rough road lately…
Girl…I hope you’re seeing a psychotherapist to deal with your trauma and get over it (in a way), so you can reach your here and now…God be with you
Nice writing by the way…
Thanks ~ I am not in therapy… I am thinking about going though…
psychotherapy would help, it seeks ways to cope now. psychoanalysis is only for rich people with time to lose looking in their past. the sooner, the better, before you develop patterns you can’t escape, you sound like an early 20ies or almost. perfect time to start, the later the more difficult it gets. i wish you good luck, godspeed.