Father’s Day came and went this year like every year before it – full of conflicting emotions and empty of truth. What has ‘father’ meant to me? Why should I celebrate a day for him? I’m so confused. ‘Father’ has been ‘tyrant’, ‘teacher’, diciplinarian’, ‘grouch’,’hateful’…’father’ has also been ‘fun’, ‘companion’, ‘playmate’ and ‘preacher’. The trouble for me is there are too many faces, none of them consistant… few of them friendly. One good day is supposed to erase months of yelling, insults, fear and humiliation. One day spent laughing together is supposed to make me forget being ruled with an iron fist and a sarcastic sneer. Daddy, I forgive you… I just can’t be the sacrificial lamb anymore… you may find me more lion than you remember me…
captivatingbitter 
Hi captivatingbitter; yes, living with the stress and yolk of daddy must be tough, he could be difficult at times, rules, rules and more rules. I have never known a daddy’s love; mine abandoned me at the age of four years old.
During our youth rules oriented parenting [sometimes] seems like a strange creature, surely one we don’t want. Notwithstanding the hurt mistreatment and fear, though in our youth we prefer and most-times demand to have our way about things, the adult realizes that without the leadership of parents [truly] we live wanting for more.
The most difficult job in human life, parenting is not an exact science.
We live to suffer yet we live.
For the hurt mistreatment and fear healing is needed. “…I love you….” is the start.
Be Well
Del
Thanks, Del… I think one of the biggest problems I have with my dad is reconciling his extreme verbal abuse with the fun times we went fishing together (and things like that) He is a walking contradiction and we could never feel safe around him… the minute you let your guard down he would lash out. As an adult I am learning to lean more and more on my heavenly father and to look to Him for my affection.