I love how the simple beauty of a flower, butterfly, sunset, etc… can speak to us on some primal and profound level. I have found great healing in my love of photography. I am endlessly surprised by the images that capture my atttention… from sun-dapled paths to the tinies mushrooms and everything in between. I would like to share a few with you…
I feel like I am steadily climbing my way out of the darkness.
Layer by layer…healing occurs.
Soon I will emerge – transformed
My father-in-law is a monster. No, he’s not a vampire, were-wolf, zombie, mummy kind of monster…but he’s much worse. He pretends to be kind and loving to the “public” but as soon as we are alone with him he never fails to emotionally attack my husband. He has flat-out told him that he did not care that he hurt his feelings. In fact, he informed him that my husband’s feelings do not mater at all to him. In the mean-time he tells his ‘friends’ that he is just so worried about his son and he does not understand why his son is so distant of late and accuses me of tearing his son away from his family. He is truly a bully – and a pathetic one at that. He disgusts me. I know there are two-faced people in the world, that does not surprise me. What surprises me is the number of people he has been able to fool with his “poor little me” sob story. He is a widower and he plays that up all the time for sympathy extolling his goodness in standing by her side through a prolonged illness when, in truth, he cheated on her for nearly 20 years of their 40+ year marriage. I am so sick of hypocrites! I am sick of people who pretend to be family and turn on you as soon as you have an opinion differing from theirs. Color me DONE!
It’s been a rough couple of years… my life has taken so many unexpected turns and I have fought so many battles. Now I find myself feeling a little adrift. I’ve been forging ahead and fighting for my life, my marriage, my sanity. I know the war is far from over and there are battles still to come, but I seem to be enjoying a brief reprieve. I don’t know whether to be grateful or worried by the seemingly sudden stillness in my life. Balance seems to be an ongoing theme in this chapter of my life. Balance between work and play … between striving and rest … between busyness and focus. I feel constantly torn between two worlds. I know I am learning more at each pass… spiraling toward a destination rather than circling to nowhere, and that gives me some hope. I wish I could know the end result of all this. Oh for a glimpse of the future. So many hopes and dreams that are still out of reach…but I choose to believe that they are getting closer all the time.
To the person who refuses to get it
To the person who cannot see me through the mask of his own making
To the person who calls ME the monster
To the person who thinks this blog was written to hurt HIS family
You know who you are –
You Repel Me (to quote Sherlock)
You disappoint me.
You are not my judge – you are not my jury – you are not fit to judge me and you have no freaking idea what you are talking about. Don’t act all wounded and expect me to buy it. Don’t pretend righteous outrage and expect me to pity you or to cower before you. Don’t be surprised when I fight back. I’m not the person you knew. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you know me or that you have ANY right to my life…. any right to know me, to speak to me or to comment on my life in any medium. You lost any right – any claim you may have had on my life – years ago. You think Dad is so wonderful? Where were you when he was talking about testifying on Eddie’s behalf as a character witness? You think Mom is a victim? How many times have you heard her stand up for herself but allow him to bull-doze over us? You think you know me? Think again. I am no going to go along with you and pretend our family was this happy family. I am not going to pretend that Dad saying “I’m sorry if I did anything to hurt you.” is an actual apology. I am not going to pretend that Mom playing the role of the weak wounded woman is going to move me in the face of the life I’ve lived through. You do not know me. You have no idea what I am capable of. You are not welcome here. You do not want to know my heart, my thoughts? Then don’t ever come back – don’t read another word. Just walk away – it’s what you are good at.
I’m so exhausted… night after night my dreams are a swirl of images and noise and frantic feelings. I wake up in the middle of the night with my jaws clenched, head pounding… I don’t know how much longer I can take this. If I don’t get my stress level under control I’m going to turn into a full-blown insomniac. Anyone out there have a sure-fire way to relax before bed? I’m open to suggestions! 🙂
I know many people were put out of power or delayed in their travel by this storm – but for a Florida native living in Central Georgia – this storm felt like nothing less than a Miracle to me…. Just look at the beauty!
I enjoyed our fleeting cold snap so thoroughly
I know the rest of the country was very cold and had tons of snow and all the headaches that go along with it… but down here where I live I was very much enjoying the cold snap. Such a refreshing change… not to mention photo ops!!
I don’t know what it is about feeling scared…but I do enjoy watching those crazy ghost hunter shows. I was watching one tonight. I’m alone in the house and watching this spooky show, having a drink and just relaxing and letting the stress of my day just go away…then the light outside goes crazy. It’s one of those motion-sensor lights that lights up the entire back yard and I had to resist the urge to run and set the alarm. Immediately all those horror movies I love so much came back to me. I am thinking of all the bad guys I’ve ever watched while cringing and hoping that at least someone makes it out of the movie alive. I know rationally that it’s just the wind blowing the trees…or some random neighborhood cat or something completely innocuous – but my imagination runs wild and I feel that thrill of fear. After a life-time of living in fear – true fear – it’s nice to be in a place in my life that fear is re-claimed. I’m not entirely sure that would make sense to anyone but me…but I reclaim my fear. I reclaim it for myself. I know fear is a healthy emotion when it occurs naturally and that it is intended to warn us, to assist us, to serve us. In my life, fear used to rule me. No more. Now I am living from ny heart and I am so glad that I am at a place where I can enjoy fear as a healthy part of my life.
I read and thoroughly enjoyed this post… I hope for Wild Goodness in my life… Thank you for this.
This is one of the most amazing things about the Scriptures to me. There are many verses when men and women of God where angry at God. If God was anything like my dad He would have brushed these verses or even books (in the case of Job) under the rug. He wouldn’t have allowed it to be Scripture. But God is nothing like my dad (thankfully) and invites us to question. The One with all power does not seek to control us. He seeks our returned love. In a healthy relationship there is room to not only be happy and sad, but also to be angry.
Now the tough part of this equation is that often others actions deserve our anger. They have hurt us; sometimes purposefully, sometimes accidentally. Anger is a healthy emotion that seeks to right injustices. It seeks to bring attention to important things that have…
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One of the best parts of Summer Magic is wishing on these…
I remember when I was a kid I took every opportunity to blow these as hard as I could and make a wish…. Did you ever do that? What did you wish for?
captivatingbitter 