captivatingbitter

I used to be a self-mutilator.  I don’t know why that is so hard for me to admit to when I have no problem talking openly about my abuse… it seems silly to me that I can tell someone that I was abused and raped but ignore the effects it had on me.  I had over 60 scars on my body from cutting at one time… many of which are completely healed over.  I cut for many reasons… mostly to escape the pain that tormented me daily… sometimes to escape the utter numbness that was the only alternative I had to the pain. 

Now I seek a healthier alternative… I allow myself to feel the pain and to process the anger.  I allow myself to be broken and in that find surcease.  I look at my scars now and do not feel shamed by them, rather, I feel honored.  Honored that I survived this and I can survive still.