How do we cope?  How do we deal?  How do we ‘get over it?’  How do we get through this?  When you’ve been raped how do you get on with life?  What does ‘getting on with life’ even look like?  We study, we read, we become experts in body language, we become invisible, we become smarter, harder, distant… some see us as cold…

I studied… I studied psychology, psychopathology, maladaptive coping mechanisms, anxiety, depression… I watched people, studied body language, facial expressions… I got to the point when I was aware of my surroundings at all times… I kept my back to the wall, knew where the exits were, listened to everyone in the room.

After many years I am finding my peace again, finding my center, leaning on God, learning to pray & trust and that it is ok to hope again.  I want to help others now.  I want to reach out and share my story… I want it to matter.  I want the things I’ve seen & survived to make a difference… desperate to make a difference.  I am desperate to have my pain mean something…