Tag Archive: child


Little Girl Blue


Little girl, pigtails and blue-jeans

all muddy and smiling so big!

I love to watch you fling out your arms

and twirl in the sunshine. You see

the world through uniqe eyes that

accept with blind faith the beauty

and wildness of the world was created for you.

You know instinctively that  joy is

your reason for being.  You take delight

everywhere you find it and accept

without question that happiness is yours.

Perhaps I will come twirl with you today –

and you can show me the world through your eyes.

One Single Tear (part one)


   I will spare only one tear for you.  I dare not open the floodgates of my emotion lest the onslaught destroy me in a vortex of fear and self-loathing.  You are naught but a ghost.  I killed you that day.  I watched you die.  In desperation, I drove the knife home and I watched you writhe in agony with a bitter smile on my face.  I strove to destroy you, dear child…but not without reason.  I destroyed you to save you, that perhaps some small remnant of the girl you were could survive, pristine.

    I was a fool to attempt this.  I will never escape you.  You are soiled and ugly.  You are a protector of wrong, defender of evil.  You cause hurt to come upon others.  You have no pity. Stupid child. Pitiful creature.  To know you is to loathe you.  To despise your very existence.  Whore that you are, finding joy in your torture, enlisting the pity of others to aid in your healing.  You will never be free.  You live only to suffer, die only to rot.

    I did not bury you that day.  I torment myself with the knowledge of my deed.  My failure to eradicate you will haunt me forever.  You are the ghost that haunts my dreams.  You are the demon who terrorizes my waking hours.  You are my hell, my prison I have created and I cannot break free.  I hate you, unclean thing that you are.  I am locked in here with you-my tormentor. 

    I shed only one tear for you.  You will spend my whole life dyeing.  I spare only one tear for you because you will rape my soul forever.  You will rape my soul forever.

Dark Haiku


 The mist curls softly,
caresses me lovingly,
a cool kiss of death.

I seek the embrace
of skeletal Thanatos
with his grinning skull

and eyeless sockets.
He carefully gathers me
doll-like in his arms,

singing lullabies
to the dying child within.
I cry in the end,

With horror – with pain.
One tear for my funeral.
One tear for my death.

Memories


 With growing interest I watch his hands
gesturing emphatically as he preaches
to the congregation about God and man.
He preaches against the sins of greed and wine;
he tells us how we are to come as a child
unto the Lord for His blessed forgiveness.

With trembling lips I beg for forgiveness.
I take the punishment from hard, cruel hands.
Inwardly, I curse the loss of my child-
hood while I listen to the message my uncle preaches.
Later, in my room, I stifle a whine
while fighting back tears of pain from the man

I have lovingly called uncle. This cheerful man
Hides secrets which are hard to forgive.
He gets high off touches, drinks them like wine
while inflicting embarrassing pain with his hand
up my thigh. Still touching me he preaches
and I can only sit stiff, a scared little child.

He talks about Jesus, who was Mary’s child
and I feel disgusted, afraid of this man.
His message seems the same as the one Jesus preaches,
but his actions are different. Does he ask forgiveness
for the crimes he committed with his holy hands?
Will there ever be a day for him to whine?

It looks thick, red like blood, his wine
of communion. I do not take any, I am a child.
With utmost kindness, he hands
me a towel to cleanse myself of he touch of this man.
I’m so scared of my uncle, who tells of forgiveness
while hurting the child who hears what he preaches

and who loves the Lord, loves the message he preaches,
Who takes what she can, who does not whine,
who longs for comfort, who begs for forgiveness,
who wants to know “Why Her?” His brother’s child.
Why must she suffer the lust of this man?
Why must she endure the touch of his hands?