Alone, my thoughts
drift to you…
awakened by love…
mind awash in hope.
Scared , but not defeated…
cold fingers of doubt cannot
overturn this joy…
this longing to be free…
thoughts of you careen… a
Juxtaposition of peace
and fear. Hope and longing.
never have I been so
alive and unafraid…
songs from the wind
invading my mind… give me
elusive joy…. surcease..
worry melting like snow..
intimacy beckons, and I answer the
call…hesitant…then full of a
zeal I did not know I could possess..
I shout into the wind
the full volume of my pain
and listen for the answer
echoing back at me in silence…
my hands fisted at my side,
my soul reaching for hope.
Even on the most hope-
less days, the night wind
comforts, loves, caresses my side
and gently lifts my pain
offering me peace, silence
and hints at the answer
I have been searching for…answers
to my desperation…this subtle hope
sings to me in this silence,
accompanied by the whispering wind…
the balm to my soul’s pain..
wind’s fingers tracing the inside
of my open collar, along the side
of my neck. What if the answer
to happiness, is embracing the pain?
Could that be our hope?
Pain danced away in the wind,
twirling in the dark silence?
Slowly the raging cacophony falls silent
and peace settles gently inside.
My mind still on the wind’s
Embrace, no longer looking for an answer
just awash in that elusive hope…
for the moment, a reprieve from pain.
I look into the eyes of pain
reflected in my mirror… silence
all around me… hope
slowly growing deep inside.
Questions forgotten, unanswered
for the moment, healed by the wind.
Despite the pain always inside
Despite the silence, years with no answer
I will forever find hope, waiting on the wind.
December has a
Sense of urgency…
Days flowing too fast
And I can’t find my footing…
Stumbling over these rocks
Of grief,
And falling down hard –
Body battered
Soul crying out for help
To an empty room
The wall’s silence
Screaming back at me…
Needles of that empty echo
Piercing my heart….
What is one more wound?
I sat tonight
Reading Frost
By the dim light
The taste of cranberry
Across my tongue
As I sipped my drink.
The cold November wind
Biting my neck and
Blowing my hair
In my face.
The soaring voice
Of a violin in my ears…
In this moment…
Content…
To let my spirit
Soar and plummet
With the notes,
Sad when the music fades…
Buoyed again
When mesmerized by
The dance of the trees…
The wind their
Loving partner.
For one so at home in the dark,
I often awake to find myself tormented…
plagued, harried
Utterly broken and
so. very. afraid.
Why is it so easy to breathe
At night, sitting alone in the dark
And in the early morning hours
Every breath is a
Ragged gasp…
Fighting for air…?
Why, when I should feel uneasy
Sitting in the night air
Listening to the wind
And the sounds from the city
Do I feel fearless?
Peaceful?
Yet in the breaking daylight
Peace gives way to
Turmoil…and
So much pain…
Every dark thought
Is a blade across my heart
Every shortcoming
A curse on my soul
And every tear shed
Feels like a shameful thing
Crying alone over coffee
Hating myself with a loathing
Beyond anything i have ever felt
For anyone else.
November wind,
you are my lover
teasing forth pink buds
and prickling my skin
with your cool caress…
Wringing from my lips
sighs of satisfaction
etched with
an aching longing.
Your invisible fingers
dance along my neck
and your soughing sigh
thrills me…
your voice my
private symphony…
I find myself
languid in your
cool embrace…. seduced,
aching and satisfied.
So painfully sweet
Was that first stretching
That deep touch
That ‘Being known’
Painful….for it being
Only
Sweet for it being
First
I ache now
In the absence of you
Knowing
The only
Will haunt me
Knowing
The first
Will be last
Exquisite was that
First drink
So deep
So thorough
Ecstasy
Yet…
So painful, the removal
Of you from me
First…
And last…
So passionate, the
Rough kneading, needing
Touch…
Longing embodied…
Yet so painful…
The cold vacuum
Left by your warmth
First…
And last…
Last dance
Last glance
Last lingering touch
Last wavering goodbye
Hands lingering
On breast
Back
Hips
Lips
….last…
The darkness of the
shadowed wood
calls to me…
my will-o-the-wisp..
drawing me out…
drawing me in…
I hear your voice
there…beckoning me…
Step deeper.
Go further.
Come to me…
and step by step
I comply…
somnambulant
in my capitulation
yet… somehow
willing
to walk into the dark
-unafraid.
There is a symphony
all around me
that haunts me,
romances me,
bouys me… lifts
me to unforseen
heights and
somehow…
sits with me
in the low places…
lighting the dark
…showing me
the way home…
I hear melodies
in the grass, the leaves,
the whispering wind,
the etherial
beauty in the
song of the stars
full of longing
and an ever-
reaching hope…
dark, mysterious,
beautiful…
home.
captivatingbitter 