The birds are out today
singing to the sun
and darting on the wind.
I can see the leaves dance,
though I cannot hear the
song of the wind…
It must be a gentle song –
a love song – whispered
instead of sung…
The softest of kisses
A lover’s carress.
I don’t know what the day
will bring… but for now..
Peace.
The light of January
caresses my skin
warming me –
despite the bite
of the wind…
There is a hope in my heart
I hardly know how to navigate.
A loss I feel
but do not kneel to…
I will not be cowed
by grief –
will not bow to it…
I will, instead,
hold fast to the hope
brought by January sunlight…
a newness in the day
unshackled by old regrets…
untainted by this
old grief.
Alive.
Alone, my thoughts
drift to you…
awakened by love…
mind awash in hope.
Scared , but not defeated…
cold fingers of doubt cannot
overturn this joy…
this longing to be free…
thoughts of you careen… a
Juxtaposition of peace
and fear. Hope and longing.
never have I been so
alive and unafraid…
songs from the wind
invading my mind… give me
elusive joy…. surcease..
worry melting like snow..
intimacy beckons, and I answer the
call…hesitant…then full of a
zeal I did not know I could possess..
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile…
A smile just for her –
From her –
Not to be shared
Or given away
To anyone else.
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile…
One that accompanies
The music in her
Heart…that only
She knows the
Words to.
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile
….privately…
Feeling the invisible
Fingers of wind
Trace her lips,
Her shoulders,
Her spine…
She smiles the way
Only a girl with
A secret can smile…
With a deep joy
Often tinged in a sadness
That is as welcome as
An old friend.
In the empty days,
In the quiet hours,
In the loneliness
That echos in the
Corridors of her mind
….she smiles….
I still feel the
absence of that
small gold band
missing from my
finger – yet the
weight of it
is so heavy
carried in
my heart.
I am drowning in
the dreams I once
held dear. Hope
of happiness and
passion and a family
unbreakable… immutable…
yet… now utterly broken
shattered beyond
any hope, any trust
any love…
I have no hope
of you anymore…
This weight on my finger…
the absence of you..
now it feels like
freedom.
I feel your fingers
in my hair
in the playfulness
of the wind.
Whispered breaths
against my cheeks
speak of your
kisses…cool
instead of warm…
…yet…they still
ignite in me a
heat that
will not be
ignored
or denied.
The winter-shorn
trees scratch calligraphy
against the sky and
I strain my eyes
to see what
truth lies there.
Straining my ears,
I listen to the
whispering leaves
and wait
breathless
for the words
they speak.
My heart
yearns… longs
to know their
secrets… to feel
their comfort.
To be swept away.
A brittle leaf on the
October wind.
I don’t know how to navigate this… How do I prepare myself for pain? How do I mourn what I have not yet lost? I can feel the emptiness threaten me already and I don’t know how to prepare myself for this agonizing ache… this absence of you… I keep trying to tell myself that I am ready for this, that this is inevitable and that I should stop mourning…that I should just be ok… Move on… I want to close my heart and stop feeling this way. I have been through enough. I have done enough. I have mourned enough. I am tired… so very tired… Can I just quit now? Please? I don’t want to keep putting my heart through the ringer. I don’t want to keep hoping only to feel like I could be put on a shelf at any time. What do I do when my heart refuses to listen to me and loves you despite all my warnings? What do I do when I find myself – again – alone at the end of the day? I was just getting the hang of alone… or so I thought… Now I FEEL lonely.. that is new. I wasn’t lonely before… I was just relieved… Now the weight of the silence and the absence of the voice I long to hear weighs on me and just hurts. Please show me the way out of here… I don’t know how much more I can take.
When I was held down,
Helpless in that dark place
Abused…
Tormented…
Yearning to be free
Only to feel shackled anew daily
Unable to think or
Dream of a future
Enveloped in despair
Shaking in fear, anger, loneliness… still
I hoped… I yearned… longed for
Release, rescue…seeking
Escape in the wrong hands
Desperate for safety…
Telling myself all the same
Old lies, whispering
Destruction to my own heart
Even while yearning for
Salvation.
Tired of living in chains
Relying on my
Own strength… a lie… only
Your strength can free me… can
Make me new. I struggle
Even now… but change is on the way…
Hope will not be denied
Eternity is housed in the faintest
Whisper of His voice.
I am nothing… but Him? He is
Love, Passion, Power… Freedom
Lies in His embrace… He will
Make me new… In Him
Alone lies the answer… and I
Know He will provide.
Even though I fail, even though I
Stumble… even in my shame I won’t stop
Trying to move forward
Reaching out for the Throne of Grace.
Only then will I be free,
New in heart, mind and soul
Given a new heart
A new name
Named HIS for eternity, my
Desires met in HIM
Bowing before the throne of
Eternity, humbly loved, forever
Amazed by HIS beauty and grace
Unable to imageine or ever again
Think of a life without love…
Immediately and irrevocably
Forever changed….
Undone and remade by
Love HIMSELF….Jesus Christ
captivatingbitter 