Haunted by memories I grasp for you and quickly push you away.
I cannot stomach this closeness yet I desire your touch – crave it – NEED it…
Fear arises as the brush of your hand resurrects ghosts thought long exorcised…
My body trembles, haunted by the abuse that still lives in my skin and in my breast, beating like a second heart.
It is chaos here… shouts, whispers, whimpers, cries…
Locked in the asylum of my mind.
I hate this feeling… this vague uneasy feeling that something is wrong. I got in a slight accident yesterday and clipped a garbage can knocking my passenger mirror through my passenger side window… there was a loud bang and an explosion of glass flew through the car. It was terrifying… it was dark and foggy and I did not see the garbage can hanging out into the road. Now I cannot shake this. I feel paranoid and worried and really uneasy. It’s ridiculous… All evening with my husband at home I have felt like he was mad at me or unhappy with me… and he’s not – we talked things out and he’s very warm and understanding – it’s just me. I feel like the bottom is about to fall out. I know this is just the accident and the dust will settle soon… but in the mean-time I really want to get back to normal. I hate feeling so raw and vulnerable.
captivatingbitter