***WARNING: This may be triggering***

You know who you are.  I knew you thought I wouldn’t remember… or maybe you thought I was too afraid to say anything… Maybe you are so supremely arrogant that you have yourself convinced that you did not do anything wrong…  I do not pretend to know your motivations… I do not pretend to know what was on your sick mind.  You know what I remember?  I remember being held face down bent over a bed with my face pressed into the suffocating softness and thinking that this was how I would die.  I remember the pain as you ripped into me – penetrating me harshly – feeling like a knife…  I remember rough hands and a harsh voice.  I remember longing for death that day and many, many days afterward.  I vowed to never be vulnerable again… I vowed to never let you see me hurt… do you remember calling me a touch-me-not?  Did you ever wonder why touch made me recoil?  Why touch made me feel sick inside?  I doubt it… everything was about you, wasn’t it?  It was about your needs, your feelings, your ‘right’…  I am tired of feeling like this.  I am tired of feeling like I am not allowed to feel.  Yes, I have a lot of pain – but I am strong enough to feel it.  I am strong enough to survive you – I am strong enough to survive anything.  I revoke my vow.  I can be vulnerable.  You will never touch me again, but I will love being touched again. I will not live locked in my solitude.  I will feel again and I will make a new life.  I will survive you yet…