I still feel the
absence of that
small gold band
missing from my
finger – yet the
weight of it
is so heavy
carried in
my heart.
I am drowning in
the dreams I once
held dear. Hope
of happiness and
passion and a family
unbreakable… immutable…
yet… now utterly broken
shattered beyond
any hope, any trust
any love…
I have no hope
of you anymore…
This weight on my finger…
the absence of you..
now it feels like
freedom.
The darkness of the
shadowed wood
calls to me…
my will-o-the-wisp..
drawing me out…
drawing me in…
I hear your voice
there…beckoning me…
Step deeper.
Go further.
Come to me…
and step by step
I comply…
somnambulant
in my capitulation
yet… somehow
willing
to walk into the dark
-unafraid.
There is a symphony
all around me
that haunts me,
romances me,
bouys me… lifts
me to unforseen
heights and
somehow…
sits with me
in the low places…
lighting the dark
…showing me
the way home…
I hear melodies
in the grass, the leaves,
the whispering wind,
the etherial
beauty in the
song of the stars
full of longing
and an ever-
reaching hope…
dark, mysterious,
beautiful…
home.
I had forgotten what love tasted like
Until it melted on my tongue
Today… filling me
With the flavor of you.
Now it lingers…
Informing every
Breath…
Every thought…
Inescapable…
Delectable…
Mouth-watering
Delicious.
My heart quickens
My breath catches
And every inhalation
Carries with it
The essence of you
The taste of love…
A flavor long forgotten
Lost to me…
Or so I thought…
Until today…
Life renewed
Revived
In a glorious moment
Explosive joy!
I feel your fingers
in my hair
in the playfulness
of the wind.
Whispered breaths
against my cheeks
speak of your
kisses…cool
instead of warm…
…yet…they still
ignite in me a
heat that
will not be
ignored
or denied.
The winter-shorn
trees scratch calligraphy
against the sky and
I strain my eyes
to see what
truth lies there.
Straining my ears,
I listen to the
whispering leaves
and wait
breathless
for the words
they speak.
My heart
yearns… longs
to know their
secrets… to feel
their comfort.
To be swept away.
A brittle leaf on the
October wind.
I don’t know how to navigate this… How do I prepare myself for pain? How do I mourn what I have not yet lost? I can feel the emptiness threaten me already and I don’t know how to prepare myself for this agonizing ache… this absence of you… I keep trying to tell myself that I am ready for this, that this is inevitable and that I should stop mourning…that I should just be ok… Move on… I want to close my heart and stop feeling this way. I have been through enough. I have done enough. I have mourned enough. I am tired… so very tired… Can I just quit now? Please? I don’t want to keep putting my heart through the ringer. I don’t want to keep hoping only to feel like I could be put on a shelf at any time. What do I do when my heart refuses to listen to me and loves you despite all my warnings? What do I do when I find myself – again – alone at the end of the day? I was just getting the hang of alone… or so I thought… Now I FEEL lonely.. that is new. I wasn’t lonely before… I was just relieved… Now the weight of the silence and the absence of the voice I long to hear weighs on me and just hurts. Please show me the way out of here… I don’t know how much more I can take.
Sunlight
streaming like rain
filtering through the trees
kissing my face like a lover
….breathless….
Cool invisbile
fingers of wind gently stroke
the tears from my face
All I see is you
your once familiar face
now ever pain-blurred
How to control this
deep ache felt with every beat
of a heart – once loved?
captivatingbitter 