I am haunted by you.
You dog my steps in
the silence of the night
and I lie awake …
tensed for the sound
of your rage.
Drifting off, exhausted,
I startle to every sound,
every breath the house takes
makes me catch my own…
heart pounding…
waiting for pain.
How do I exorcise you
from a place
you never lived?
How do I, instead,
evict you from my heart…
to live no longer haunted?
To breathe again..
Free?
Days like today are hard…
reeling from loss and hurt
on my way to joy, but the journey
withers my heart sometimes… I
need the night sky, the wind
in my hair… the
naked fingers of moonlight
gently stroking my skin…
I need to feel alive…
No other way to
swim in these currents of grief
only by surviving, striving,
rambling my way to joy
ramshackle though it may be.
One day this shadow will lessen…
will give way to the light.
There are endless
Hours of conversation between us…
Among the laughter, tears… joy
Never far away… but – grief stays close as well…
Knowing you has helped me to know myself…
You have been a guide and a mirror to me
On this strange journey… one
Unlike any I have ever experienced. I am
Feeling things I thought long dead
Only to see them rise again, full of hope…
Relieved to find that – against all odds
Love is possible for me…
Only you can say you know me as you do…
Vulnerable, hesitant, afraid… yet
Intrigued and embracing fearlessness and
Never giving up hope even when I
Grasp for bravery, and find it eludes me…
Mesmerized by your steadfast love… I find
Eternity staring back at me.
When I was held down,
Helpless in that dark place
Abused…
Tormented…
Yearning to be free
Only to feel shackled anew daily
Unable to think or
Dream of a future
Enveloped in despair
Shaking in fear, anger, loneliness… still
I hoped… I yearned… longed for
Release, rescue…seeking
Escape in the wrong hands
Desperate for safety…
Telling myself all the same
Old lies, whispering
Destruction to my own heart
Even while yearning for
Salvation.
Tired of living in chains
Relying on my
Own strength… a lie… only
Your strength can free me… can
Make me new. I struggle
Even now… but change is on the way…
Hope will not be denied
Eternity is housed in the faintest
Whisper of His voice.
I am nothing… but Him? He is
Love, Passion, Power… Freedom
Lies in His embrace… He will
Make me new… In Him
Alone lies the answer… and I
Know He will provide.
Even though I fail, even though I
Stumble… even in my shame I won’t stop
Trying to move forward
Reaching out for the Throne of Grace.
Only then will I be free,
New in heart, mind and soul
Given a new heart
A new name
Named HIS for eternity, my
Desires met in HIM
Bowing before the throne of
Eternity, humbly loved, forever
Amazed by HIS beauty and grace
Unable to imageine or ever again
Think of a life without love…
Immediately and irrevocably
Forever changed….
Undone and remade by
Love HIMSELF….Jesus Christ
captivatingbitter 