Category: Poetry


The Quiet One


She sat quietly in class

Never hearing a word-

Her mind screaming,

Racing, ravaging her thoughts…

She sat calmly, pen in hand;

Honor student….horror filled

And anguished.

Automatically, she made conversation…

She passed tests

She chatted with friends

And longed to die

To escape this pain…

She sat quietly in church

Longing for salvation

Imprisoned by religion

Preached at by her tormentors

Looking for horns

Disguised as halos.

She sat quietly at home

And smiled at the monsters

While cutting the pain 

Of her soul out of her skin…

Watching the blood ooze and

Drip…with dry eyes

And emotionless face

Hiding the raging terror

In her heart.

She sat quietly in the therapist’s chair

Giving reassurances to the one

Who was supposed to help – 

Praying they see 

Behind her stillness

To the utter turmoil within

Not trusting anyone or anything…

Somehow comforting them

For her pain

And living with the hopelessness

That almost felt like a friend.

She stood quietly in the bathroom…

Staring at her calm face

Unwilling to meet her own gaze,

Unable to keep avoiding the horror…

The pain ravaging her from inside

And without warning-

Almost in slow motion

The avalanche began…

All the silence broke

The tears came in a torrent,

The rage, the pain…

The still, quiet girl is gone

Replaced with a woman

With a face full of anguish

Unable to sit quietly any longer – 

Not willing to still her face

For the comfort of strangers

Haunted and crumbling

Shattered

Shuttering violently with each 

Invasive

Intrusive

Memory.

Stumbling and falling

All along the path

To be whole.

Warrior


Still bleeding from his wounds

he returns to me…

He reveals the depth of his pain –

and I am lost in the torrent, lost

in the extent of the damage.

How can one, so wounded, still live?

He is a road-map of scars,

a patch-work of bruises;

and in my hand the mace.

 

That Familiar Ache


I can feel it again… that tightness in my chest…

the tears, the throat so tight I cannot swallow.

Grief fills my lungs with cries I will not utter.

I feel the pull… the desire to be “ok”

the desire to bury this pain and pretend

that I am not in agony…

I feel it again… this drowning

all-consuming tidal wave swelling

toward me… so much pain… and I stand

on the open beach… arms out-stretched…

do your worst.

Haunted


Haunted by memories I grasp for you and quickly push you away.

I cannot stomach this closeness yet I desire your touch – crave it –  NEED it…

Fear arises as the brush of your hand resurrects ghosts thought long exorcised…

My body trembles, haunted by the abuse that still lives in my skin and in my breast, beating like a second heart.

It is chaos here… shouts, whispers, whimpers, cries…

Locked in the asylum of my mind.

July 23 2014 (120)


I took this photograph of a Blue Morpho...broken and beautiful still

Heart torn –

yet not given

the precious gift of death…

I can only breathe in..and out…

waiting…

Gift from my Husband


This was written for me by my husband…  He is such a gift!

 

My heart weeps for all your tears.

Your words convey your pain.

I ache to sing solace amidst your fears.

And brush away your rain.

I grieve with you each ill received.

Your voice cries out lost years.

Your plastered smile did not deceive.

I yearn to hold you near.

Your heart was buried amidst the shame.

Twas hidden among the scars.

You did not deserve an ounce of blame,

For untold lashes left to mar.

Voices maligned your every thought.

Mean words dashed your heart.

Cruel lessons were branded and severely taught,

And dark horrors did they impart.

To be raised by loathsome beasts at best,

And savage gods at worst,

I long to see your soul enjoy rest,

And all your wounds be nursed.

Each scar and tear is precious to me.

Your pain does not repel.

I chase each lingering shadow to flee,

And make the dark dispel.

Until your heart finds rest in my love,

Your head against my chest,

I’ll embrace you in mine arms my dove,

till serenity do you possess

You were punished for your sire’s sin.

Sacrificed to lust and pride.

You and your cousins given to perverse men,

While your childhood died.

You were offered up to protect their lies.

Innocence suffered mortal blows.

While they puff and guff and claim alibis,

Their children they laid low.

Their children used as human shields

Wounded youth left to die

How foolishly they abused the power they yield,

For their infants they did not even cry.

What cruelty seethes from lifeless eyes?

lips drip poison to their chins.

Injuries more upon your back now lie

you lost so they might win.

How willingly they strap you to the stake.

Your mother sheds not one tear.

Your father preaches to the mob so fake,

while they cling to his words as dear.

Vacant eyes stare as babies are sacrificed alive,

Cries rend the night.

Innocence voices are silenced by inhuman drives,

beautiful children see no more light.

The God they think they blameless serve,

will one day cast them out,

They will find the place that he reserved,

for monsters who acted devout.

God is merciful and loving and kind it’s true,

but one day time will end.

Justice will have His say and into hell will He spew,

those who did only pretend.

God saw each cut and bruise and lash,

which they willfully hid.

Their image would be fit for the trash,

if ever exposed what they did.

You were effectively silenced for many a year,

Your heart was left to die

Malevolent parents deceive all who give ear,

and you thought you were the lie.

My heart weeps for wrongs you have wearily bourne,

by callous hearts and dead eyes.

I pray I may care for the places you were savagely torn,

and weep with you while you cry.

No one deserves abuse and neglect.

least of all one so pure.

God tenderly caught each tear to collect,

forever in His arms He will assure.

Hateful man


Forked tongue spits death
thinly disguised as kindness.
Poison heart spews bile.

How is it that you
are by him so deeply loved,
yet feel only hate?

 

We found this snake in our yard...he's beautiful and harmless - unlike the subject of this poem

We found this snake in our yard…he’s beautiful and harmless – unlike the subject of this poem

Love – Haiku


Love

Reaching for you with
Hands that are broken – I fail
Love – still out of reach.

This song says it all for me today…


“One Last Breath”

Please come now I think I’m falling I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say Let me say
Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
maybe six feet Ain’t so far down
I’m looking down now that it’s over Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say Let me say
[x2] Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
maybe six feet Ain’t so far down
Sad eyes follow me But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me ‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
For you and me For you and me
Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
[x2] Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
maybe six feet Ain’t so far down
Please come now I think I’m falling I’m holding on to all I think is safe

3 AM


Shaking inside I wake – afraid

and I stare into the darkness

wondering if you lie awake at night

and think about me….

Do you ever wonder if

you could have done better?  Or

do you rest easy in your shroud of self-

righteousness and assume you are god?

Here is my heart…. take it

eat it…throw it away… break

it in two… love it… hate it…

just stop refusing to SEE it.