Taken summer 2013 in my front yard on my Passion Flower Vine
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Forked tongue spits death
thinly disguised as kindness.
Poison heart spews bile.
How is it that you
are by him so deeply loved,
yet feel only hate?
We found this snake in our yard…he’s beautiful and harmless – unlike the subject of this poem
Reaching for you with
Hands that are broken – I fail
Love – still out of reach.
I’ve noticed lately that I am getting more comfortable in my sadness. I am so often sad but I generally hide it behind a mask of fake polite smiles and small talk or jokes. Lately I just allow myself to sit in the sadness… to allow the emotion to wash through me…to wash over me and pass on. I have found that by allowing myself to actually feel the emotion it can run its natural course and I am free to feel other things, like joy, anger, passion, fear… I’ve been numb for so long – numb and lost and I’m ready for that part of my life to be over. I am ready to feel… to feel everything – even if it hurts. Live is too precious to miss. I am tired of running – tired of hiding – tired of protecting bullies and abusers. I will not live my life in fear. I will not hide and pretend that I do not see the evil in the world. I want to do it all… I want to sing, to run, to fight, to dance, to paint, to play, to make a big mess and laugh… I do not want to spend the rest of my life in stasis. I’m ready to rise up. I want to twirl in the yard with my arms flung out and my face to the sky. I want to sword fight with sticks and I want to seek out beauty every day – in every place I am. I want to take long walks by moonlight again and not be afraid… I want to live my life again… and to think… it all began with me allowing myself to be sad… allowing myself to be.
Please come now I think I’m falling I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say Let me say
Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
maybe six feet Ain’t so far down
I’m looking down now that it’s over Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say Let me say
[x2] Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
maybe six feet Ain’t so far down
Sad eyes follow me But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me ‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
For you and me For you and me
Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
[x2] Hold me now I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
maybe six feet Ain’t so far down
Please come now I think I’m falling I’m holding on to all I think is safe
I love watching these guys dart around in the summer…they made me belive in fairies.
I love the free-spirited flowers…they are so beautiful and wild-looking
I’ve been gone from here for over a year… and it’s been a tumultuous year. I’ve been hunkered down in severe self-protection mode hiding from the world and afraid to put my heart back out there…but I cannot live this way. I was never meant to. I was meant to live a life of passion. An old therapist of mine once told me that when he met me two words immediately sprang to mind…. “Sleeping Giant” Well…this giant is waking up… and I refuse to remain in this state of fear. So look out, world… I’m awake and ready to stretch my legs once more.
I took this photograph of a Blue Morpho this year….broken and beautiful still
Shaking inside I wake – afraid
and I stare into the darkness
wondering if you lie awake at night
and think about me….
Do you ever wonder if
you could have done better? Or
do you rest easy in your shroud of self-
righteousness and assume you are god?
Here is my heart…. take it
eat it…throw it away… break
it in two… love it… hate it…
just stop refusing to SEE it.
The rustling trees draw me in… I can hear my Dark Goddess calling me.
Walking barefoot down a familiar moonlit path… feeling the damp rotting leaves
under my feet… a mist gives way before me and I find her waiting for me-
beautiful, naked in a clearing her milky skin aglow with moonlight.
She bids me welcome to her temple and I kneel in worship; bowing
to the damp earth. So ancient is this place…so deep and so dark –
only moonlight is welcome here… moonlight which flashes against
the blade of her dagger – flashes to me, a willing sacrifice.
Willingly I give up my life to her and in death I dance – finally free.
captivatingbitter 