Tag Archive: love


Darkness Invades


I tried to read

The greats tonight

Leonard, Angelou,

Poe, Frost…

But it is my own voice

Too loud in my ear

That sets me

Quivering – 

With loss, pain,

With fear remembered

And love…lost…

I tried to smile

Around this ache in my chest, 

but each one

Shattered

Hurting my face.

The clouds are moving 

Too fast tonight

Ghosts against

A black sky…

And the breeze 

Doesn’t invite

Doesn’t caress…

Instead… alienates.

There is a wrongness 

And I feel

Cornered

Not romanced – 

Caged…silenced…

Grief-choked.

No song tonight

On the symphony

Of wind

Notes all soured

By this aching

…this pain…

This ground under

Boot-heel feeling

…abandoned…

Alone in the dark.


Languid, half asleep, in morning hours

I hear your voice…

Half-finished conversations

rushed conclusions

hasty goodbyes…

And I turn over …

again, searching for sleep –

wondering where dreams begin

only to end again… and why.

Thoughts blow like November winds

through my mind

prickling my skin

and bidding me dig deeper

into the covers to seek

my comfort there…

to find surcease from the black

loneliness that sometimes

threatens in the early morning hours

absent your voice…

I am treading water here..

riding the black waves of fear

and despair, trying

not to drown, but

to rise up on that current

and find my hope

my center

my self

and SWIM…

One day I will

hear a noise in the

dark and will not fear…

will not stop

*breathing*

to listen for

his footsteps…

but will, instead

pause, to hear

your voice calm me…

and listen for your lullaby..

my November wind…

whistling past the window…

lulling me to sleep…

Seduced by November


November wind,

you are my lover

teasing forth pink buds

and prickling my skin

with your cool caress…

Wringing from my lips

sighs of satisfaction

etched with

an aching longing.

Your invisible fingers

dance along my neck

and your soughing sigh

thrills me…

your voice my

private symphony…

I find myself

languid in your

cool embrace…. seduced,

aching and satisfied.

She Smiles


She smiles the way

Only a girl with 

A secret can smile…

A smile just for her –

From her – 

Not to be shared

Or given away 

To anyone else.

She smiles the way

Only a girl with

A secret can smile…

One that accompanies 

The music in her

Heart…that only

She knows the 

Words to.

She smiles the way

Only a girl with 

A secret can smile

….privately…

Feeling the invisible

Fingers of wind

Trace her lips,

Her shoulders,

Her spine…

She smiles the way 

Only a girl with

A secret can smile…

With a deep joy

Often tinged in a sadness

That is as welcome as

An old friend.

In the empty days,

In the quiet hours,

In the loneliness

That echos in the

Corridors of her mind

….she smiles….

October Sky


There is a symphony

all around me

that haunts me,

romances me,

bouys me… lifts

me to unforseen

heights and

somehow…

sits with me

in the low places…

lighting the dark

…showing me

the way home…

I hear melodies

in the grass, the leaves,

the whispering wind,

the etherial

beauty in the

song of the stars

full of longing

and an ever-

reaching hope…

dark, mysterious,

beautiful…

home.


I had forgotten what love tasted like 

Until it melted on my tongue

Today… filling me

With the flavor of you.

Now it lingers…

Informing every

Breath…

Every thought…

Inescapable…

Delectable…

Mouth-watering

Delicious.

My heart quickens

My breath catches

And every inhalation

Carries with it 

The essence of you

The taste of love…

A flavor long forgotten

Lost to me… 

Or so I thought… 

Until today… 

Life renewed

Revived 

In a glorious moment

Explosive joy!

Stray Thoughts


I feel your fingers

in my hair

in the playfulness

of the wind.

Whispered breaths

against my cheeks

speak of your

kisses…cool

instead of warm…

…yet…they still

ignite in me a

heat that

will not be

ignored

or denied.

Waiting for Pain


I don’t know how to navigate this… How do I prepare myself for pain? How do I mourn what I have not yet lost? I can feel the emptiness threaten me already and I don’t know how to prepare myself for this agonizing ache… this absence of you… I keep trying to tell myself that I am ready for this, that this is inevitable and that I should stop mourning…that I should just be ok… Move on… I want to close my heart and stop feeling this way. I have been through enough. I have done enough. I have mourned enough. I am tired… so very tired… Can I just quit now? Please? I don’t want to keep putting my heart through the ringer. I don’t want to keep hoping only to feel like I could be put on a shelf at any time. What do I do when my heart refuses to listen to me and loves you despite all my warnings? What do I do when I find myself – again – alone at the end of the day? I was just getting the hang of alone… or so I thought… Now I FEEL lonely.. that is new. I wasn’t lonely before… I was just relieved… Now the weight of the silence and the absence of the voice I long to hear weighs on me and just hurts. Please show me the way out of here… I don’t know how much more I can take.

Thank you for loving me…


There are endless

Hours of conversation between us…

Among the laughter, tears… joy

Never far away… but – grief stays close as well…

Knowing you has helped me to know myself…

You have been a guide and a mirror to me

On this strange journey… one

Unlike any I have ever experienced.  I am

Feeling things I thought long dead

Only to see them rise again, full of hope…

Relieved to find that – against all odds

Love is possible for me…

Only you can say you know me as you do…

Vulnerable, hesitant, afraid… yet

Intrigued and embracing fearlessness and

Never giving up hope even when I 

Grasp for bravery, and find it eludes me…

Mesmerized by your steadfast love… I find

Eternity staring back at me. 

Knowing and Being Known


It is a strange thing to me….to be known… It is often easier to write these thoughts out and put them in the ether knowing that they are going out to strangers who do not know me and who I will, likely, never meet… It is another thing entirely for someone who knows me (and who I know) to read them… It makes me feel laid bare…exposed… And I carry the burden of knowing that my life has been what it was and it makes me afraid to meet their eyes…lest I find there the pity and the pain echoing in their gaze… I find myself tempted to edit…to temper the tempest within my breast to make those who have to look me in the eyes more comfortable with the rumble of thunder behind my smile… Then, sometimes, something so profound, so beautiful happens…. Someone discovers my tempest, rides out my storm, feels my pain…and meets my gaze unflinchingly – unafraid and with such compassion, such acceptance… it is truly humbling. And to those sacred few… thank you. Thank you for allowing me this. Thank you for being willing to see beyond the surface and to stare into the dark with me…. for being willing to listen for the sound of the storm and be unafraid of the lightening.