The birds are out today
singing to the sun
and darting on the wind.
I can see the leaves dance,
though I cannot hear the
song of the wind…
It must be a gentle song –
a love song – whispered
instead of sung…
The softest of kisses
A lover’s carress.
I don’t know what the day
will bring… but for now..
Peace.
Alone, my thoughts
drift to you…
awakened by love…
mind awash in hope.
Scared , but not defeated…
cold fingers of doubt cannot
overturn this joy…
this longing to be free…
thoughts of you careen… a
Juxtaposition of peace
and fear. Hope and longing.
never have I been so
alive and unafraid…
songs from the wind
invading my mind… give me
elusive joy…. surcease..
worry melting like snow..
intimacy beckons, and I answer the
call…hesitant…then full of a
zeal I did not know I could possess..
December has a
Sense of urgency…
Days flowing too fast
And I can’t find my footing…
Stumbling over these rocks
Of grief,
And falling down hard –
Body battered
Soul crying out for help
To an empty room
The wall’s silence
Screaming back at me…
Needles of that empty echo
Piercing my heart….
What is one more wound?
So painfully sweet
Was that first stretching
That deep touch
That ‘Being known’
Painful….for it being
Only
Sweet for it being
First
I ache now
In the absence of you
Knowing
The only
Will haunt me
Knowing
The first
Will be last
Exquisite was that
First drink
So deep
So thorough
Ecstasy
Yet…
So painful, the removal
Of you from me
First…
And last…
So passionate, the
Rough kneading, needing
Touch…
Longing embodied…
Yet so painful…
The cold vacuum
Left by your warmth
First…
And last…
Last dance
Last glance
Last lingering touch
Last wavering goodbye
Hands lingering
On breast
Back
Hips
Lips
….last…
I still feel the
absence of that
small gold band
missing from my
finger – yet the
weight of it
is so heavy
carried in
my heart.
I am drowning in
the dreams I once
held dear. Hope
of happiness and
passion and a family
unbreakable… immutable…
yet… now utterly broken
shattered beyond
any hope, any trust
any love…
I have no hope
of you anymore…
This weight on my finger…
the absence of you..
now it feels like
freedom.
The darkness of the
shadowed wood
calls to me…
my will-o-the-wisp..
drawing me out…
drawing me in…
I hear your voice
there…beckoning me…
Step deeper.
Go further.
Come to me…
and step by step
I comply…
somnambulant
in my capitulation
yet… somehow
willing
to walk into the dark
-unafraid.
There is a symphony
all around me
that haunts me,
romances me,
bouys me… lifts
me to unforseen
heights and
somehow…
sits with me
in the low places…
lighting the dark
…showing me
the way home…
I hear melodies
in the grass, the leaves,
the whispering wind,
the etherial
beauty in the
song of the stars
full of longing
and an ever-
reaching hope…
dark, mysterious,
beautiful…
home.
Days like today are hard…
reeling from loss and hurt
on my way to joy, but the journey
withers my heart sometimes… I
need the night sky, the wind
in my hair… the
naked fingers of moonlight
gently stroking my skin…
I need to feel alive…
No other way to
swim in these currents of grief
only by surviving, striving,
rambling my way to joy
ramshackle though it may be.
One day this shadow will lessen…
will give way to the light.
captivatingbitter 