***WARNING: This may be triggering***
You know who you are. I knew you thought I wouldn’t remember… or maybe you thought I was too afraid to say anything… Maybe you are so supremely arrogant that you have yourself convinced that you did not do anything wrong… I do not pretend to know your motivations… I do not pretend to know what was on your sick mind. You know what I remember? I remember being held face down bent over a bed with my face pressed into the suffocating softness and thinking that this was how I would die. I remember the pain as you ripped into me – penetrating me harshly – feeling like a knife… I remember rough hands and a harsh voice. I remember longing for death that day and many, many days afterward. I vowed to never be vulnerable again… I vowed to never let you see me hurt… do you remember calling me a touch-me-not? Did you ever wonder why touch made me recoil? Why touch made me feel sick inside? I doubt it… everything was about you, wasn’t it? It was about your needs, your feelings, your ‘right’… I am tired of feeling like this. I am tired of feeling like I am not allowed to feel. Yes, I have a lot of pain – but I am strong enough to feel it. I am strong enough to survive you – I am strong enough to survive anything. I revoke my vow. I can be vulnerable. You will never touch me again, but I will love being touched again. I will not live locked in my solitude. I will feel again and I will make a new life. I will survive you yet…
captivatingbitter 