Tag Archive: fear


On Barrenness…


I am a genetic

Dead end

What have I to offer,

of life, of knowledge?

What wisdom

Would I impart?

Only this….

Love the dark.

Dance in the wind.

Savor the rain’s embrace…

Few are our days,

Deep is the night..

Dark – yet full of friends

If you allow yourself

A quiet mind.

The trees have secrets

To tell…. Listen

To their soughing, sighing, song…

If you allow yourself to hear…

You will find peace…

Childless, I may be

But this silence

Is not a curse…

Rather a backdrop

On which to paint

Understanding

And a special kind of 

Knowing

And being known…

By the dark

By the stars

By the cool night air…

All that is quiet 

In this loud world

I bequeath to you…

Childless though I may be…

That you may know

The pure, unadulterated joy

I have known….

Nights…

Alone in the dark…

unafraid…

Early Mornings


Languid, half asleep, in morning hours

I hear your voice…

Half-finished conversations

rushed conclusions

hasty goodbyes…

And I turn over …

again, searching for sleep –

wondering where dreams begin

only to end again… and why.

Thoughts blow like November winds

through my mind

prickling my skin

and bidding me dig deeper

into the covers to seek

my comfort there…

to find surcease from the black

loneliness that sometimes

threatens in the early morning hours

absent your voice…

I am treading water here..

riding the black waves of fear

and despair, trying

not to drown, but

to rise up on that current

and find my hope

my center

my self

and SWIM…

One day I will

hear a noise in the

dark and will not fear…

will not stop

*breathing*

to listen for

his footsteps…

but will, instead

pause, to hear

your voice calm me…

and listen for your lullaby..

my November wind…

whistling past the window…

lulling me to sleep…

Seduced by November


November wind,

you are my lover

teasing forth pink buds

and prickling my skin

with your cool caress…

Wringing from my lips

sighs of satisfaction

etched with

an aching longing.

Your invisible fingers

dance along my neck

and your soughing sigh

thrills me…

your voice my

private symphony…

I find myself

languid in your

cool embrace…. seduced,

aching and satisfied.

The Weight of Gold


I still feel the

absence of that

small gold band

missing from my

finger – yet the

weight of it

is so heavy

carried in

my heart.

I am drowning in

the dreams I once

held dear. Hope

of happiness and

passion and a family

unbreakable… immutable…

yet… now utterly broken

shattered beyond

any hope, any trust

any love…

I have no hope

of you anymore…

This weight on my finger…

the absence of you..

now it feels like

freedom.

Haunted?


The darkness of the

shadowed wood

calls to me…

my will-o-the-wisp..

drawing me out…

drawing me in…

I hear your voice

there…beckoning me…

Step deeper.

Go further.

Come to me…

and step by step

I comply…

somnambulant

in my capitulation

yet… somehow

willing

to walk into the dark

-unafraid.

October Sky


There is a symphony

all around me

that haunts me,

romances me,

bouys me… lifts

me to unforseen

heights and

somehow…

sits with me

in the low places…

lighting the dark

…showing me

the way home…

I hear melodies

in the grass, the leaves,

the whispering wind,

the etherial

beauty in the

song of the stars

full of longing

and an ever-

reaching hope…

dark, mysterious,

beautiful…

home.


I had forgotten what love tasted like 

Until it melted on my tongue

Today… filling me

With the flavor of you.

Now it lingers…

Informing every

Breath…

Every thought…

Inescapable…

Delectable…

Mouth-watering

Delicious.

My heart quickens

My breath catches

And every inhalation

Carries with it 

The essence of you

The taste of love…

A flavor long forgotten

Lost to me… 

Or so I thought… 

Until today… 

Life renewed

Revived 

In a glorious moment

Explosive joy!

Stray Thoughts


I feel your fingers

in my hair

in the playfulness

of the wind.

Whispered breaths

against my cheeks

speak of your

kisses…cool

instead of warm…

…yet…they still

ignite in me a

heat that

will not be

ignored

or denied.

Winter Trees


The winter-shorn

trees scratch calligraphy

against the sky and

I strain my eyes

to see what

truth lies there.

Straining my ears,

I listen to the

whispering leaves

and wait

breathless

for the words

they speak.

My heart

yearns… longs

to know their

secrets… to feel

their comfort.

To be swept away.

A brittle leaf on the

October wind.

Things I Can’t Say


All these unspoken

emotions writhe

in my chest

vying for my

attention.

Sometimes it feels

like I am drowning

in them.

I am afraid that if

I do not admit

my feelings –

at least to myself –

they may come

pouring out

-unwelcome

and unwanted…

embarassing

and painful.